Today

Hello everyone!

First of all.. thank you to everyone that has continued to send well wishes my way and for always asking how I am doing!

To answer that question, I am doing relatively well! I have definently had some obstacles that I will continue to go through, and eventually overcome. Learning that I was unwell changed my perspective on life, essentially. I started to understand more just how important our bodies are, learning new ways to get my feelings out, learning the unreal support that I am always given, learning that it is okay not to be okay sometimes, and how thankful we really should be for this amazing life we have been given.

I have become a believer that what we feed our body with and what we put on our body (deodorant, body wash, certain chemicals in products, etc.) is one of the main causes of cancer. So much of our food is processed these days, contains harmful chemicals, and hormones. I can truly say that I never thought twice really about what food I was putting in my body. We are what we eat after all. If you're going to fuel your body with chemicals, eventually that's what you'll become, if you can view it in that way. I have made the decision since my diagnosis to eat much much healthier. I am way more conscious on what I am putting in my body. I do eat mostly natural, organic foods now. Yes, more expensive to eat this way most times, but your body is an empire! It is the only body you will ever get. Treat your body with love. And that doesn't mean that you can never have a treat. Everyone deserves a little treat now and again. Right now, I am following a paleo lifestyle relatively closely. I also started using natural body products from "Primally Pure". Some people make fun of me or question the way that I eat now and the products that I use. Sometimes it really bugs me, because most of those people don't understand how scary it is to go through something health wise. It is terrifying to me that I could have been helping to add some issues. If there is something that I can change in my life to hopefully never be affected by this horrible disease ever again, you can be dang sure that I will do it! At the end of the day, I am going to do my part in trying to make myself the healthiest version of me that I can be. I just always tell myself that I know myself best, I need to trust that the way I am feeling is what works best for me.

Trust Myself 6_edited

Trust Myself

My life is definently starting to get back to 'normal' finally. A different normal, with a new perspective, but back to the things that I enjoy doing. It really sucked having to drop out of school, quit my jobs, move back home, away from my best friends, and just not being well. I am going back to school in September to finish up and I am so so excited! I also get to move back to Barrie with my friends very very soon! For a while, it felt as though my life had been flipped upside down, but luckily, I had a pretty positive outcome at the end of it all! I always say that this was a blessing in disguise. This was a push in a better direction, weirdly enough. I love my life even more so than before. I can't wait to get back to my everyday routines :).

Another question that people often ask me is how I stay so positive. I always thought that this is the only option I have! I could give up, and get down about it which helps nobody. Or I can smile, give it my best and move on with my life. Of course I have my tough days where I just reflect on some things that I went through, and ask 'why me'... why do I have to be someone that has to hold this worry in the back of my head. Emotionally, it can be extremely overwhelming. I had never had health problems prior to this, and I felt as though my body was working against me and it scared the heck out of me! I am still working on trusting my body again. I sometimes wonder if it'll ever come back, but I realize that living in the present and doing everything you love, spending time with important people and so on is what matters most. Life is so unbelievably short. I don't have any time to spend all my time down on what I went through. Yes I get sad sometimes, but that's no reason to be unhappy. I also have a tremendous amount of support. A few of my friends never stopped supporting me, whether is was frequent calls, texts, visits while I was in the hospital, or whatever. It meant the world to me. I also was connected to a wonderful organization called "Compassion That Compels" which is a christian group providing cancer patients with compassion bags, emotional support, prayers, and amazing connections with other cancer patients. I am so very thankful for everyone that I got in touch with through Kristianne, the founder of Compassion That Compels. I just take everyday on with a smile and a laugh. It has definently helped me get through the days where I didn't feel very great. I have many role models, especially some specific women going through cancer. One lady that I look up to is Cheyann Clark. She is battling Stage 4 Low Grade Serous Ovarian Cancer. I have never met her in my whole life, but I follow her social media pages and she is very courageous, strong, beautiful, inspirational, and kicking cancers ass with a big big smile. Life throws unexpected things your way, and Cheyann has helped me realize that anything is possible with positivity.

Right now, I am still getting my surgical abscess wound packed, as it is taking a very very long time to heal. But we'll get there! I still have to have a colonoscopy done as well as genetic testing to check if I carry certain genes. For now, I am getting my life back, just with a few changes. Onwards and upwards :). Thanks for all of your support!

NICOLE! xox

Message of the day: Always smile. And I don't mean be fake, but always find a way to be happy. And if you can't, smile anyways. Why the heck not.